“Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you smile, laugh as much as you breathe, and love as long as you live.”
― Rachel Ann Nunes
This is my 2021 Motto. 2020 was a year of discovery for me, a year of trying new things and diving back into old things, trying to figure out just what made me happy. There were
A LOT of ups and downs. Full transparency? I was miserable at the end of 2019. I was grouchy, irritable and I took it out on my family. I remember being in my car driving and pleading with God, "Please this can't be life, please show me what I am supposed to be doing because, this ain't it!"
I can't even tell you what happened next but I was on a mission. At first I wanted to offer products made by other people but let me tell you, there wasn't many people in my circle that made products to sell. So I started making my own. You know the saying, "If you want something done right, you better do it yourself".
Don't get me wrong. This was not the end of my struggle. 2020 had its own problems, on top of starting a business and trying to figure all that out, we already know what 2020 was about so I won't bore you with details you're probably trying to forget. In spite of a global pandemic, I spent the better portion of 2020 juggling a full time job as a hospice nurse working days. Mornings, nights and weekends were spent building the business. It was not easy but the feeling I had when speaking directly to customers about my products was one that made me happy. I knew I was onto something and I couldn't quit. But life often has it's ways of letting you know when it's time to make changes.
After 7 months of working 6-7 days a week I finally hit a breaking point and I had a major panic attack in November. I have had these before and learned over the years how to self soothe and bring myself down from the cold, sweaty, self-induced anxiety ledge. However, that didn't happen this time. I couldn't bring myself out of it. I was afraid to close my eyes for fear of having a heart attack in my sleep. Even though I am a nurse, I am not a fan of doctors or hospitals and I often tell my kids, "Mommy's a nurse, we don't go to the hospital unless we are dying". And just look at me, somewhere in between thinking I am dying and worried about looking like a hypochondriac at the local ER. I think most healthcare workers have a similar mindset.
Long story short, my husband drove me to an ER in my town ( I wouldn't allow him to call an ambulance). The experience was horrible and after about an hour of being ignored and my dignity stripped, I finally felt better and walked out feeling relieved and foolish all at the same time. At that point, I talked to my husband Kielas and we decided it was best if I stopped working full time as a nurse and go into the business full time. I could not allow myself to keep feeling this way. I could not keep working myself into a panic for someone else and I would not allow my moods to sway because I was not being true to myself and that I would do everything in my power to achieve my dreams and goals of being a full time entrepreneur. You see for me, a lesson I learned late in life is that money can't buy you happiness. And if you want to be happy, you had better figure out what makes you happy and do more of it!
I have always known that I am a free spirit, I need and crave the freedom to do my own thang! I need the space to be an independent thinker and see the fruits of my labors through my own lens without limiting policies and procedures. This year has shown me that I am genuinely happy when I have the freedom to choose what my day looks like. The decision wasn't easy and I am still uncertain what life has in store for me, doubt creeps in on the regular but I block the hell out of it. I try to stay focused on those feelings I have when a customer thanks me for making products that helped them.
I am excited for 2021 and I am on a journey that doesn't end. It is a journey without a destination and I expect there to be tough times, hard decisions and major breakthroughs. I want to do more of what makes me, ME, genuinely happy. A happy me is better for everyone, especially my family. Whom I couldn't have done any of this without. Thank you all, I love you.